Coaching Tools Every HR Leader Needs in 2026
In this episode of the HR Leaders Podcast, we sit down with Carmen Barboza, PHR, CPCC, Chief Human Resources Officer at Crowell & Moring, to explore how clarity, curiosity, and courage are shaping the future of HR leadership.
Carmen shares how her coaching background influences her leadership style, how she builds trust during uncertainty, and why direct conversations can transform workplace culture.
🎓 In this episode, Carmen discusses:
How radical candor and trust fuel innovation
Leading through uncertainty with transparency
Why clarity is kindness in leadership communication
Building resilience through self-awareness and reflection
Creating safe, curious cultures with strong coaching practices
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Chris Rainey 0:00
Hey, Carmen, welcome to the show. How are you? I'm doing great, Chris, thanks for having me. I can't believe that you were in London and you didn't come say hi. I'm devastated.
Carmen Barboza 0:09
I was intimidated by how busy you are. Oh,
Chris Rainey 0:13
come on, don't use that one again. I was going to say that to you. You're the ones. You're the one flying all over the place. Unfortunately,
Carmen Barboza 0:20
I had no time. I had so many meetings. The UK has this new law on preventing workplace harassment, so I was doing lots of sessions that I didn't even get to see London. So how long was you here?
Chris Rainey 0:33
Two days? Oh, that's not even enough time to do much more easier, wow. So you flew through here two days and straight back out again next time.
Carmen Barboza 0:40
And I was, I was there for the horrible Heathrow shutdown day. Oh no where. No aone could get out. So I had to quickly pivot. Talk about grit and resilience. I need to get myself to Brussels to get on a flight to 345 in the morning. I'm trying to navigate myself out of London. And I did it. So yay me. Yeah,
Chris Rainey 1:00
you Wow. Apart from that, apart from all of that, how you been?
Carmen Barboza 1:04
I've been great, yeah, no, it's been good, yeah, amazing.
Chris Rainey 1:07
Before we jump in, tell them a little bit about the organization, who perhaps just give them a bit of
Carmen Barboza 1:15
a work at crowing, which is a 1400 person law firm. We are headquarters here in the US. I'm in Washington, DC, and we have about 18 to 20 different practice areas, and law firms have sort of two sides of the house. There's the lawyers and the time keepers, but then there's this huge engine of about 700 people who do all of the work to keep the lights running, to keep the business going, and so I focus most of my time on those other 700 to make sure that they are feeling energized, supported, that they're growing, yeah, all that good stuff. I
Chris Rainey 1:53
always find organizations like yourself that it's hate the role of HR sometimes is even more important when your product is your people?
Carmen Barboza 2:01
Yes. And you know, law firms, I think for a very long time, thought of HR as back of the house, personnel, your processing forms, and so it's been quite an adventure explaining that we're so much more than that, that we're business enablers, we're business partners. I think the pandemic really helped with that shift in seeing us driving that change to being 100% remote law firms are a bit more conservative, so we were behind on the concept of even working remotely like you couldn't possibly work from home wide.
Chris Rainey 2:37
Yeah, I can imagine already the industry. Yeah, that would take a bit longer as well. How long you been with the
Carmen Barboza 2:44
business for? It'll be eight years this October. Wow, wow. What
Chris Rainey 2:49
would you say is the biggest challenge that you've had to overcome during those eight years,
Carmen Barboza 2:56
besides the pandemic, yeah? I mean, yeah,
Chris Rainey 2:59
yeah. Besides the pandemic, yeah,
Carmen Barboza 3:02
it's been growth at a time where the world is changing and ever evolving, and it's a organization law firms are just more conservative. That's what we do for a living. We assess risk, so trying to help us continue to move towards progress and innovation, when sometimes our bias is to stop and think about what are others doing before we are the adopters at really shifting that to be let's get ahead of it. Let's be the users that get ahead of the curve, instead of waiting for other law firms to do it. Why don't we try being the innovators? And it's a cultural shift for us, but it's been highly rewarding to see how getting ahead of it has really paid in both the talent that we've been able to recruit but the people that we've been able to retain.
Chris Rainey 3:53
Yeah, now you have to drive, if you're thinking about that way, you're already it's already too late, exactly. Yes, you've already missed, you've already missed the opportunity. The load has has
Carmen Barboza 4:03
left. Yeah, yeah.
Chris Rainey 4:04
How have you overcome that?
Carmen Barboza 4:08
One, I had to build trust them, to trust me, to know that this vision that they don't yet fully understand is going to pay off. Um, but two, also being able to bring them along with me for here is where we're going. Here's what this means. Lots of conversations with our leaders, and we've also had leadership transitions. So with that also comes people who are more open minded and willing to take risks. We have the next gen stepping up to the plate, who understand I'm next gen too, that we've got to change. We can keep doing things the way that we've always done it. That's not going to sustain us. We have got to think differently and hiring people who think differently than us, which at times, feels a bit challenging, because people are afraid of conflict, but it's healthy and productive. Conflict, if we don't always agree, that is what helps innovate. That's what helps us be even better than we were before, and navigating us through that disruption of conflict and people who think differently, I tend to really love that little chaos, those challenges bring out the best ideas.
Chris Rainey 5:24
Yeah, Shane and I, my co founder, we always say, like, our best innovations comes out of our biggest arguments. They were just like a joke. But we, at the time, when you're in it, it doesn't feel feel good, but when you come out of it, on the other end, just, and it's like we always talk about radical candor, right in our organization as well, and a lot of people, that's quite unusual. When they come into the business, they're like, whoa. Like, this is pretty intense, but, you know, it allows us to have really like the conversations we lead with positive intent. So whatever that someone's saying to you and whatever feedback, you know, it's because they want the best for you. Want the best for you and the business. So always lead with positive intent. And it's out of that chaos comes the best ideas innovation. Just move the business forward, and you've got to be willing to have those conversations. And yeah, it's like, it's quite different to many businesses. So it takes some time to move takes trust. Yeah, sounds like that's what you
Carmen Barboza 6:23
all have. There's the that trust equation. There's your self interest, but it has to be balanced also against, like, what's the greater good? Yeah, and you're stealing all my thunder, because for me, assume positive intent is a thing that I say all the time. Oh, really, yes. And I say that to my team, and I say it to all of my coaching clients, if you go into it assuming positive intent, even when there is that conflict, even when there's that disagreement, you are willing to put aside your own feelings and think about where is this coming from. You're leaning into that curiosity. Let me understand why you're pushing so hard for this, as opposed to standing in my No, I disagree with you, and we're not going to do this, yeah, and that's what has led us to become an even greater organization. We have grown, we continue to evolve. We're willing to dive into that discomfort, and I force us to sit with that discomfort. That's the only way to grow.
Chris Rainey 7:15
Yeah, one of the things I've been doing recently, just because most of the challenges you find in the organization is comes down to a breakdown of communication. Like, I would say, almost 99% of the challenges you know that happen, we could lead it back to a miscommunication, right? So one of the things that when I go into those type of conversations is, at the very beginning of the meeting, I outlined, this is what I want to get out of this meeting. I just be very clear from the beginning so so that people understand. And it's sound like a small, small thing, but it's actually makes a big difference. If I walk in a meeting and say, Hey, this is exactly x, y, z, what I want to get out of this meeting, and this is why I'm bringing us together, and immediately the sets the tone for the conversation. So even when you go into some hard conversations, people are, oh, that's why we we're doing this. Does that make sense?
Carmen Barboza 8:05
Absolutely. Ai. I'm a certified coach. One of the things we talk about when we're working together with someone is, you design how you want to work. That's the concept and the frame you're designing. This is what we're going to be talking about in this meeting. So in advance, everyone gets that opportunity to assess whether Am I showing up in the right way. Am I ready to have this conversation or not? Let me self manage, but I know what I'm getting myself into.
Chris Rainey 8:30
Yeah. And one of the things that I loved when we when we spoke about doing this podcast, is is you spoke about the concept of clarity, is kindness. Could you share more on that I love, that we definitely agree on that.
Carmen Barboza 8:42
So that comes from Brene Brown and her dare to lead book, and she talks about clear as kind, and I've adapted that to clarity as kindness, because I think so many times we're afraid to say things and to be direct and we sugar coat, or we dance around something, thinking that that's the kind thing to do, but instead, you're not being kind. And to your point on radical candor, you've got to be high on people. If you think of that access when you're challenging directly and you care deeply, that's when the real conversation happens. So there has to be that element of caring for the person to really want to deliver a clear, concise message, and being direct has paid dividends in my career. I think that's what's allowed me to continue to grow within my organization. People know that when I'm saying something, I truly mean it, and if I'm taking the time to give you that message, I am honoring you and I am respecting you and your time, and I take that approach with everyone and with every conversation that I have. I one time I think, got into trouble in an interview because I mentioned I'm allergic to small talk and the person absolutely did not like. I did not get that job. What I mean when I say that is I want to have real conversations. I want to be authentic. I want to spend my time with you, talking about things that matter and not just things that you know fluff. And to be able to lead an organization, to be able to lead a team, you have got to build that trust in advance to be able to have those tough conversations. But when you have them, everything just evolves in a way that is way more about the team than it is about you as an individual. It gives you permission and access to go deeper into that conflict, into discomfort, because I know that what you're saying you truly mean. Your word is your bond. That's the beauty of clarity. Is kindness.
Chris Rainey 10:52
Why is it so important, especially now during such uncertain times that we live in with so much chaos?
Carmen Barboza 11:02
Because if we don't fill those gaps for people, the in the absence of information, people tend to think of the worst. No one is planning for the best. I'm gonna plan for when I win the lottery. People are planning for when I lose my job. People are planning for when I can't feed my family, and before they go down that spiral, before they go to the worst, I want them to understand what it is that we're actually talking about. And at times it could be you need to prepare for the fact that you may not have a job. So then they know what they're actually preparing for. But if not in that in between, it creates so much anxiety that doesn't actually help them. It doesn't help the organization. It helps no one. And I think some leaders are afraid to be direct and afraid to be honest, because what if that ends up in the news? What if people take that information and run with it and share it in ways that we don't want them yet to share. And so part of it goes back again to building that trust and recognizing if you have built a trusting organization, and if you have built enough social capital into that relationship, then you've got to be able to trust that with information, they're going to going to make the best decision for the group. But if you don't yet have that, I can see how some leaders might not want to share the information. Yeah,
Chris Rainey 12:26
what it really is, and we all know this, they're gonna find out anyway. And if it doesn't come from the business, that's even more damaging, right? You can't come back from that. They're gonna find out further communication channels, from social media, from somewhere, right? We've seen what happens when, you know, huge announcements get leaked in the media, and the employees are finding out from the news, rather than their own business. You can't repair that. You know you could. It takes a long time to build trust, but you could lose it in the seconds, in
Carmen Barboza 12:58
seconds, and sometimes what they find out through other channels is not exactly the message. There's no
Chris Rainey 13:04
context, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you action that, though, and make that a reality? Is that working to help upskill or re skill and support your managers and leaders to filter that information down? Is it being, you know, like, what, what's been for everyone listening? What's been the best way that you found to keep that communication and and how often and frequent do you do it? Is there, like, there's a strategy or a framework that you and the team you're designed on what you should and shouldn't communicate, especially given so much going on, whether it's politics, whether it's pandemics, you know, every day there's a new theme of the day. It's pretty, pretty tough right now.
Carmen Barboza 13:44
It is really tough, and there's so many different levers, but I can say for sure the upscaling making sure that every one of our leaders felt equipped to have those difficult conversations. Because there's nothing worse than someone delivering tough news or uncertain news, and then not leaving space for questions, or not knowing how to answer those questions when they come. So I wanted every one of my fellow chiefs to feel prepared for delivering messages, and that was during the pandemic. Our leaders were front and center, and we felt and we took an approach is over communication was actually better, the more we could get out there and ahead of even to say we don't know what's going on. We don't know when we will reopen, but we are here together, and we're here if you have questions, and we're here to support you through it. Goes back to creating that trust, that if our leader is willing to speak up at a time only to say, I myself am lost and don't know what to do. That vulnerability made it such that the next time he got up there, everyone was willing to turn on their camera and willing to tune in, tune in, to hear what he had to say. So fast forward to now, completely different dynamics. But yeah. Again, very challenging, and trying to balance how much information is necessary is absolutely important. I'm not gonna lie. It sounds like you are communicating every single thing that is happening. You also don't want to create chaos at a time when you have nothing to share but having those micro conversations. So maybe we have two town halls a year. Maybe it's not time for the next town hall, but within each of our smaller business units, equipping our partners, equipping our leaders, to sit down and have a productive conversation, to give updates during their weekly meetings. It goes back to my point of it's not about fluff that is very quickly, people can cut through that and see that it's inauthentic. So be authentic. Share even if it's to say, I don't have the answers, I'm here with you. I'm also struggling with this. I just wanted to call it out. This is what's in the room right now. I don't have the answers for you, but I'm willing to dive into it with you. Sometimes
Chris Rainey 15:59
that's the best thing so many people worried about not having something to say or an answer, and that's going to make them less authentic. No, actually, it's the opposite. You saying that you don't know, and together, we're going to figure it out. It's probably the most authentic thing you can you can say, I had that during the pandemic, when the team will came to me and said, What are we going to do? And I remember being so stressed the night before, thinking, I don't have a plan like and they were looking to me as CEO and founder of what we're going to do. And I came in the next day and said, I don't know what we're going to do, but we're going to sit in this room and figure it out together, you know, together. And that was tough, you know, to be go in there and be vulnerable and say, I know you were expecting me right now to come out of an amazing plan, but I don't have one, but I feel like that brought us closer together than we ever been before, and we are so
Carmen Barboza 16:50
smart. People can read your energy. People can read and can tell when you are spinning something versus when you're being raw and honest, and they're then more willing to trust you, because you trusted them with your vulnerabilities. And that also takes confidence in you as a leader. I think sometimes, if you have your own self doubts, you're unwilling to look as if you don't have all the answers. And for me, I know I don't have all the answers, and I say that to my team all the time. That's why I hired all of you together. We're gonna get there. It's not just me. Yeah, 100%
Chris Rainey 17:27
one of the other things you mentioned is around leaning into curiosity, not judgment. Could you share more about your thoughts on
Carmen Barboza 17:36
that? Yeah, I think one of the main elements of being a good listener and being a good coach to others and creating safe spaces for conversation is recognizing that there is something in you that is making you feel certain kind of way, and I want to get to that that's what is going to lead us to better outcomes. So if I'm judging already the fact that you have this question or that you have this problem, if I've already, in my mind, prejudged the outcome, I'm not actively listening. I'm just waiting for you to be done. To tell you, here's what I think you should do. If you lean into curiosity, you actually allow for a deeper type of conversation. You allow your biases to be checked at the door, because I don't know where this is going to go. I'm really curious to understand what's motivating you to feel this way, why you've acted this way. And that's the beauty of coaching, that is the beauty of connection between people, allowing room for that curiosity, and it's the assuming positive intent. If I'm not curious about what you have to say, I've already formed my opinion. I'm not assuming positive intent.
Chris Rainey 18:54
Yeah, and it's really easy to do that right, to fall into that trap, very
Carmen Barboza 18:59
easy, particularly when you're so busy, where you think I already know what this meeting is about. I already know what the conflict is here. I already know why Chris wants to talk to me. Actually, I may think I know, but I don't truly know, and it leads me to something I wanted to talk about, which is sometimes we over schedule ourselves, or we overwork ourselves. It's so easy. There's so much going on you don't end up being your true, authentic self when you're in work mode constantly. So there has to be some discipline to stop and reflect before you go on to the next thing. If you don't allow that space for reflection and for digesting the conversation you and I just had before moving on to the other one. You can very easily forget to be curious, because I don't have time. I just want to move on to the next and I have five things coming up, or I need to get back to this thing that's on my desk. And I think that happens. We're all guilty of it moving too quickly. There aren't enough hours in the day right in search whatever expression fits that norm. And to truly be curious, you've got to allow time.
Chris Rainey 20:14
Yeah, no, I agree. And most of us don't make time for that. And yet we don't. And if you don't, you have to schedule it. Otherwise it won't happen be intentional. It's a non
Carmen Barboza 20:24
negotiable. You have got to schedule it. I live by my calendar, so I have to schedule my own time of process between meetings. Yeah,
Chris Rainey 20:34
I actually now have carved out an entire day so I have Wednesdays where I have no, almost no meetings, where I just spend a day, you know, reflecting, rather than being in the business, you know, looking from working on the business, rather than be looking in because most of the day I'm in the business, and I can't work on the business. So Wednesdays for me and Shane to kind of reflect, take a step back and we and some of the decisions and what do we do during that day? Is is been some the biggest game changer, whether it's work from a people perspective or a product perspective or customers, because we actually have dedicated time. You can't be in both
Carmen Barboza 21:16
modes. You can't doing or being, yeah, yeah. I
Chris Rainey 21:20
love that you're either doing well being I love that. That's much better way of saying it. Well, how would you say, like, obviously, you've done a lot of work in terms of coaching, and you've gone through the certification, right? How is that? What's the biggest impact that's had on you as a both a chro and also, personally,
Carmen Barboza 21:42
I will start with personally. Going through that certification was life changing. I'm a better spouse. I'm a better daughter, sister, mother, because I learned so much about myself. And coaching is about self reflection, as much as you think like, oh, I have a coach. The coach is not like a therapist who's going to tell you, here's a diagnosis, what the coach does is more hold the mirror so you can better fully see yourself. And through that process, you learn how to self manage. You learn how to process your emotions, you learn how to check yourself. You learn how to create environments that are conduct conducive to productive conversation. So for me, I feel like I evolved significantly. I can very based on my upbringing. I've experienced trauma very early in life. I can very quickly disassociate and compartmentalize, and that's been my superpower when I have to have very difficult conversations. But if you're constantly compartmentalizing, the secret is it actually catches up to you. Your Body Keeps the Score. It will come out some way, and the coaching helps you process and hold yourself in that really difficult moment to see, like, what am I feeling? Where am I feeling it? I remember having a day where I had to talk to some partners to let them know we were going to transition someone who they loved because that person had violated a policy. So it's a non negotiable, that person's got to go and fighting those partners to say, like, this must happen. I understand you're unhappy. So you go to battle. You're armored up for that conversation. And then I had to quickly move to transition the person in between that. I get a call from my HR manager with no warning. I pick up the phone like, Hey, what's up? And she says, So and so just passed, and I no, I couldn't hear you. What did you just say? And she said, Yes, one of our long tenured employees who I adore, had just passed away, and I had to say, I can't talk about this. I'm about to go into a termination meeting. So shovel, you know, shove that deep down, go have a termination meeting, which, you know, some are pleasant, some are not, not a pleasant one. And I had to force myself after this third conversation to process everything that I was feeling in my body, and then I could move on to making plans and notifying people and taking care of what had just happened. But if I didn't hold myself in that moment to feel everything. I knew that it was going to catch up to me later, and I wasn't going to be able to navigate and help everyone navigate what just happened. So I learned that in coaching. I learned that you have got to hold yourself in those moments to really feel the emotion, and I do that now with whether it's a leader, whether it's a junior member on my team, whether it's an external coaching client, I can tell when people are being hyper rational that they are hiding from an emotion. I can so quickly, just based on their responses, be like, okay, so you're being very rational. What's going on? Nothing, everything's. And you know, business as usual, I'm going to make it very uncomfortable and hold you here until that emotion comes out. Yeah. Wow.
Chris Rainey 25:09
So it's really completely transformed the way you you you do your role in every way, in
Carmen Barboza 25:17
every way.
Chris Rainey 25:18
Wow. How has that changed your relationship with your CEO and the rest of the board?
Carmen Barboza 25:29
They see me as a trusted advisor. I think I have earned their trust in a way than my predecessors didn't have, and I find myself being a coach to many of them? Yeah, there's the what's the best thing for the organization conversation, which, of course, has to happen. I'm a business leader. But then there's also when they themselves are navigating something I find our our dynamic has evolved to more of a coaching relationship as well. Yeah.
Chris Rainey 25:59
How do you navigate that within your own circle? You know, who takes care of HR,
Carmen Barboza 26:07
that's a million dollar question. I often stay up at night wondering who's taking care of us. How do I show our team who's in charge of their well being, who's holding space, and I can be that person for them, but who's holding space for me is the bigger question? And the answer is, I have to be that person. And so they are things, and you're not have just touched upon that I have had to build within my own practice to take care of myself. But one that we haven't touched upon, that I think is highly valuable. It's invaluable is the peer network, those cohorts, those CHRO circles. They may not have gone through exactly what I have gone through, or I'm not able to share the details of exactly what's happening because of confidentiality issues, but they know enough that someone has gone through something similar to what I've gone through, and they know what that feels like, and so being able to share and be vulnerable with others who understand the load that we're carrying is a way to offload and to share that burden. And the insights I've gotten from my peers have really helped at times when I felt lost. So I make sure to always have that peer network, and I give as much as I take. That's how we help each other. I invest in my own development when at times, it might feel like who has the time to attend a conference, who has the time to go listen to a speaker? You've got to make the time if you truly believe in growth mindset, we are ever evolving. And there is someone out there who has some insights that could really help my situation, so making the time to continue to grow and learn so I can be better setting super clear boundaries, which is very hard when you are the keeper of the people, when do I stop my day? If someone says, Do you have a minute and it's eight o'clock at night, do I take that call or do I move to tomorrow? And for many years, I didn't have those clear boundaries, and it comes at a cost. Burnout is real, and so I have been very good about setting a boundary of when it's time to stop and when it's time to take care of myself. And there are periods when I don't uphold those boundaries, and I end up feeling it afterwards. Yeah, so you've got to be your own HR professional. Got to be your own advisor, and that's hard to do, so that's why I do find the time to connect with others. You would think this as an HR person. You know how to do it perfectly. Not so much. And so it takes someone holding that mirror to you to say, Well, did you honor that boundary? Did you honor your values? Were you trading in some of that to make room for someone who needed you. Where were you in that conversation? And it said, aha. Moment of Oh, you're right,
Chris Rainey 29:05
yeah, no, I love her. You just shared so many great nuggets there. But I love the fact that you created those non negotiables and communicated those the fact that you take time to network and build a community outside of work where you could have be vulnerable, you know, and have have hard conversations with people that get it, you know, even if they don't, they could at least be someone who could listen right, And to your point of, oh, I don't have time. Well, they're probably one of the reasons that you're struggling is that you haven't made time right. Because the amount of times that we do our events, our sit to a round tables all over the world, and when I ask people kind of what they took away, it was probably the one thing that they was holding back the most, that because they actually took some time to network, to build their community around them, to take the day that actually they could solve some of their biggest challenges, which was taking. Most of their time, ironically, so you don't have time not to do it as well. So any, any other things in terms of, like, how you take care of your well being? Any other practical things that you do, whether it's like exercise or mindfulness, any specific, yeah,
Carmen Barboza 30:19
so say, you know, find a practice that feels nurturing to you. I used to teach yoga for many years, and so yoga was that one place where I could offload. And as my life evolved, I had children, I don't have time to teach anymore, but instead, I do have a mindfulness practice, whether it's meditating, whether it's journaling, I tend to look for the good in everything. Is what I remind myself every morning. So writing down three things, finding the good in something. And so if you start your day that way, you're more likely to continue to search for the good during the day at times when our jobs are really always issue spotting. I work for a law firm. Lawyers are trained to look for the problems, so talk about a culture where everyone's
Chris Rainey 31:07
hyper focused. That's the job right after you're doing for your clients.
Carmen Barboza 31:12
I have to balance that out with being mindful and recognizing, you know, the good, and seeing the good and and we try to do campaigns, gratitude campaigns, where we force people, you've got to send at least five thank you cards to someone, or make a habit today of saying 100 thank yous and counting them.
Chris Rainey 31:31
Yeah, it's so important. I always start the day with gratitude as well. Attitude of Gratitude is super important. Even gratitude journal, to your point, one of one of my coaches, or my coach, Chester Elton, has these sort of stones he gives away with the word gratitude carved into them. And I carry it in my bag everywhere I go. So it's sort of like a little and now if I'm stressed, I'll have it in my pocket, and it's like, because it weighs a little bit, I can feel it, and it's that was like this constant reminder to be grateful. And it literally has, like, it's a really cool, like, Pearl stone with the word gratitude, and it seems silly, but like it means so much to have hit there, because it's like a constant reminder no matter how stressed I am, because the easy thing is to roll out of bed and look at immediately, look at your calendar and think of all the stressful things you got to do that day, right? And whereas now, now I try to, like, I grab my phone or grab my stone, and then I'm like, start the day with positive intent.
Carmen Barboza 32:30
Yourself into that. Yeah, it's funny. You say it, I have this guy, oh my god, coach. And it's the same thing, right? It doesn't say gratitude, but it's the same physical anchor, yes, exactly to remind yourself to look for the good.
Chris Rainey 32:46
By the way, Carmen just held up a heart shaped stone. So that was like, that's how that is such a small world that we both have something similar. But you're right. It's that anchor. And, you know, Chester, wherever he goes all over the world, he carries a huge bag of stones, and he gives him weight everywhere he goes. So it makes me laugh that where, whenever he travels, he packs all of his stuff, and he's like, All right, here's my bag of gratitude stones that I take everywhere. But he's just leaving that path of positivity behind him, you know, to do that. So it's so
Carmen Barboza 33:18
back to the point of making time, you know, to attend conference. I remember very early on in my HR career, I attended a conference, and there was this woman who talked about, I think she had started working at KFC very early on in her career, and the colonel at the time was very strict, and she just wasn't jiving with the organization. But she had read a book about you can either plant night shade, which is a poison. So if you come from there planting night shade, then that's all that grows. But if you plant corn, then instead, what you're growing is corn. And the idea was, plant the good, be the person who is looking for the good, and that's what I'll grow, and how her experience completely shifted with the colonel at KFC all the things. And she gave us each a little bag of corn to remind us. And there is something Chris to the the tangible. So you say, have a mindful practice and meditate and do all the things. And when you're in it. It just feels like another thing in your to do list. But if you physically have something to bring you back to that feeling in those very hard moments when you can't snap yourself out of it, just touching it to your point, putting your hand in your pocket and feeling your gratitude rock, brings you back to what you know to be true, your authentic self, your Higher Self, your honest, raw, grateful person that you are.
Chris Rainey 34:46
Yeah, I try and, like, leave a trail of things everywhere. So, like, even to the point where I've never said this. I don't think I've said this on a podcast, but when I open my door to my wardrobe to get my, you know, socks out, it has some in. On the inside, it has some stuff that I've just set of tapes there with, like, reminders of things to be grateful for. So, like, you know, like everywhere, it's my screen savers, or some some artwork in the house. Like, I basically, like, everywhere, even subconsciously I'm seeing it, you know, like there. So I kind of leave a trail of things all the time, just to make sure that I'm like, that my subconscious mind just being filled with that as much as I even to one point, and I have said this on the podcast, I had a YouTube playlist, which I found, and I used to go to sleep to it, and it was like a seven hour playlist of just positive things, you know. And so the whole night whilst I'm like, sleeping, it's just like feeling my subconscious mind with like I am statements, but very positive thing. And I remember my wife used to laugh at me and be like, What are you doing? And I would wake up in the morning after my subconscious mind has listened to this AI or playlist whilst I'm asleep. Of all these amazing things are achieve and I am successful. I am just, you know, I am happy. You know, it's just, and I used to feel amazing. I used to get back to doing that. I used to that a lot before you
Carmen Barboza 36:12
do and for people who can't see my jaw dropping, I'm like, Were you in my house? So my closet is full of like my I'd like to do vision boards, and I like to put the things that I want to see in my life. And so I open my closet every morning to get dressed, and it's right there. And I have a playlist. I don't know if you've heard of Pam ground, but she talks about looking for the good and manifesting the good in your life. And so she tells you, create a playlist of the feel really, that's what I do. I have that so I would fall asleep to my Pam ground playlist and wake up, and it's songs that are about happiness, songs that are about making yourself feel better. And it's, you know, it's not for everyone, I'll admit that, but for me, it's, it's that gift that I give myself to start on a positive note, to remind myself to look for those good things to be a better person at a time when I can't control the external forces at play, but I choose how to start my day on the right note and hope that that's going to carry me through the day, and when it doesn't, then I know what to lean back on, whether it's calling a friend who reminds me of the good things, whether it's looking at my little bullet journal and the things that I wrote down, the connection that you have in your organization with people. Yeah, find those little drop those little nuggets throughout the day. Put that screen saver of my beautiful, 80 pound Labrador. That makes me happy.
Chris Rainey 37:45
These are small things, right? But they add up. And you mentioned the vision board. I'll say this last before I wrap up, like I had a vision board for like, 10 years, like, and it was in my cell, in my office, because all my we, for every member of my sales team, we all had our vision boards all over the wall, in our in our in our office. We're like this back corner of the office, so we basically just filled the entire wall, and everyone could see everyone's vision boards and what they wanted to achieve. And it was like multiple things, which was really interesting about one, you got to know a lot about the individual, what's important to them. I know what Aj is, goals are, Dan's goals are, right? Like, I could see what Maria is working towards, you know. And it was really cool, because, like, you kind of get to know people. And I was at that company for about 10 years, and my wife and I have been together for 20 years, and when we bought our first apartment, which was a big deal, because I grew up, you know, pretty poor, like, single parent, you know, my mom raised four kids on her own, on government benefits, so it was a big deal. And we saw one one flat, and we bought it, right? And she was like, don't look at others. Like, no, this is the one. This is it. And then the guy, even the guy, like, you know, selling it, was like, Oh my God, this guy's really eager, you know? And I was like, I don't know why, but I have to buy this. It literally was the exact photo of the apartment on my vision board. And I only realized this months later when I took it down, it was the exact thing, like, I'm talking like the Floor Plan was the exact thing. The photo I had on the vision board was the exact photo of the open plan living room and kitchen. I was like, that's why. Literally, I was like, I don't know why. We've got to take this. I put my offer in. We got it, we bought it. We still have it now, so even though we moved into our house, I was like, we're keeping it. We're keeping it. I was like, we're not leaving this. We can rent it out, but we're not It's not leaving the family. But I remember looking I couldn't believe it. I remember like saying, Tasha, look at this. Look at the photo. It's exactly what we bought. Like, oh my god. So it is real. It's a real thing. But listen, I gotta let you go. I was a good talk to you forever. But before I let you go, where can people connect with you if they want to reach out say hi, where's the best place? I. Yeah,
Carmen Barboza 40:00
absolutely. I'm on LinkedIn. Carmen Barbosa, nice, happy to always chat, like I said, giving back. And you know, as much as I take, happy to connect with people,
Chris Rainey 40:08
yeah, no, and I appreciate you. And this is kind of why we started the show, right? So no people like you giving back and and sharing with the community wouldn't be a show. So I appreciate you taking the time to come on. And next time you're in London more than two days and we'll get to see you in we get to see you in person. Look forward to seeing you soon. All
Carmen Barboza 40:26
right, absolutely you.
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